The Me Who Doesn't Remember
Sometimes, staying beside someone is all you can do.
August 8
When I opened my apartment door, Shin was already standing there.
...
Without saying much.
No teasing.
No calling me an idiot.
No Spartan lecture about sleeping in.
...Is he feeling okay?
Instead, he simply asked if I'd like to go for a walk and see if anything triggered my memories.
I agreed.
As we walked together, I told him about the memory I'd recovered.
The one where I remembered him finding me after the accident.
But...
He quietly shook his head.
"That wasn't me."
...
What?
I'm sure it was him.
Even Orion saw the memory with me.
Then again...
Toma and Sawa both said it was Ikki and Kent who found me.
So...
What exactly did I remember?
There's no way my memory is completely wrong...
Right?
Shin explained that he never searched for me himself.
He knew the police would need to question him immediately, so staying put made more sense.
...
Honestly.
That does sound like something Shin would do.
Practical.
Logical.
Then he admitted something else.
He'd lied to the police.
...Wait.
What lie?
The conversation we'd been having on the cliff before the accident...
He had asked if he could come over to my room.
When the police questioned him, he left that part out.
He figured telling the police that he'd been talking about visiting his girlfriend's room would only make things more awkward.
So he changed that part of his statement.
Because it had been... embarrassing.
...
Shin.
*Sigh.*
No wonder the police found him suspicious.
Even so...
I know he was worried about me in his own way.
I thanked him.
For saving me.
He smiled.
Then he told me something that surprised me.
Apparently...
I'd thanked him countless times before.
Even though I don't remember any of it...
I still said the exact same words.
...
Hehe.
I guess some things really don't change.
But...
He still blames himself.
For everything that happened.
Honestly...
I understand why.
We were the only two people on that cliff.
If I were in his position...
I might blame myself too.
I wanted to cheer him up.
Even if it was only a little.
But...
How am I supposed to know what to say?
I don't remember him.
The old me did.
She knew him.
She knew what would make him smile.
She knew how to comfort him.
Current me...
I'm just a blank slate.
...
For the first time...
I felt a little jealous of my old self.
Because all I can do now...
Is quietly stay by his side.